


It's About Time (And Money)

by masterofstars



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Bro, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Daddy Kink, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sexual Content, So many AUs, Trans Dave Strider, Trans Male Character, later on at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-06 07:37:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6745249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterofstars/pseuds/masterofstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things have a tendency to pile up; work, school, funds, transphobic abusive bros, student loans and roommates that can't pick up their underwear. Luckily heros don't always come in spandex with laser vision. Sometimes they come in suits and fedoras.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thefakedirkstrider](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=thefakedirkstrider).



Epilogue

 

Familial drama while going through the process of graduation and college applications is a hell that no one should have to go through. It felt even worse when the drama was so utterly unnecessary in any and all ways. Everything could have be water under the bridge. Just a fact that didn’t need to interfere with anything what-so-ever. And yet somehow the ‘big’ reveal turned into something catastrophic.

  
Not that the Strider home had ever been the most peaceful, understanding of places. Dave should have realized that nothing could pass by so quiet and nice. Any idea of how it should have gone were thrown out of the window. The idea of switching to Dave was too much, even if his I.D. already said it was legally his name. He’d already been dressing in androgynous ways for the majority of his childhood, even if he’d admit to the odd skirt or pink feather boa. Barbies were still the shit, even if watching monster trucks with Bro was fun too. It was so easy for Dave to not care about the gender barriers, and yet the minute he tried to explain to Bro it seemed they were more concrete than ever.

  
Bro couldn’t think of him as a boy. Bro wouldn’t let him pretend to be something he wasn’t.

  
And Bro definitely wouldn’t pay for him to go to college if he was going to end up spending the money on ‘bullshit transitioning’.

  
So student loans and cups of ramen become Dave’s life for the better part of the next year. He stopped checking his bank account for anything other than to see if his paycheck was deposited at the end of each week. Classes were early, afternoons were boring and hazy behind a counter in a cafe that always smelt of coffee grinds and vanilla, and everything else was just getting on, going day by day. Maybe it would have been better if things had gone like they were supposed to but plans fell through cracks way too easily. With his funds cut off by Bro and John off in Washington fucking around for a year, it left him without many options in his freshmen year.

  
Luckily, those plans had a revival. College 2.0, the remix. The sequel. His first year had gone shitty and his grades had slipped but it was a dawn of a new year and this time it was going to be good, he knew it. How could it not when the dorkiest son of a bitch already had all his shit moved into their dorm and they were both signed up for their respective classes two weeks in advance? Hell, John’s dad had even made them cookies for the occasion. Motherfucking double chocolate.

  
It was a sign. It was going to be great.

  
Even if John turned his nose up at the abundantly sweet baked goods.  
  


* * *

  
  
“Dude, where the fuck is my text book?”

  
In the one week they’d been living together, boxed up in their dorm room, a whirlwind seemed to have thrown the place into chaos. Not even the usual organized chaos Dave had been used to at the apartment, or even the year before. It was the kind of room your mom would walk in on and find a thousand things wrong in the first square foot. Clothes, a few pizza boxes, the infinite amount of notebooks John had bought, records in their cases scattered to one side of the room. It was a certified teenage boy mess, and soon enough Dave was going to be late because of it.

  
Meanwhile John was lounged perfectly happy on his bed with the dark blue checkered bedspread, laptop out and facebook open instead of assignments. “Why? Aren’t you supposed to work at work, not study?”

  
“Not if you wanna pass courses, dude. Which I do.” Failing wasn’t exactly an option when he was paying so damn much for each course. A bachelor of science with specialization in paleontology didn’t exactly pay for itself.

  
John let a noise slip past his lips, close to a raspberry. The kind of dismissing noise that Dave knew meant the brunette wasn’t listening or caring that much.

  
It took a good few minutes to find the textbook he was looking for and even more to hurry down the stairs to get his dark green apron from the communal washer and dryer. All the while contemplating why cafes always went with the shades of green and brown for their color palettes. Starbucks couldn’t be the first, nor the last to use it. The thought occupied his mind on the bus ride and the short walk down the few busy blocks to get to the dinky cafe on the corner.

 

  
Being as it was set up right in the heart of university territory, the cafe did well. Dave had seen the help wanted sign early on in his first year while walking past to grab groceries from the corner store a few blocks down. It wasn’t the fanciest place he’d ever seen, but it was nice. Primarily quiet, it was a great place for studying when the library got to be too rowdy or all the shady tree hide outs across campus were occupied. Dave liked it in particular for the dark hardwood and low indie music that played from the old boombox radio resting on the back of the counter.

  
It was a good gig. He was allowed to set his books up and study when it wasn’t busy, and everyone was always nice. He could count on his hands the amount of times he’d had to deal with rude customers. It was really only the older crowd. Students always seemed to understand; capitalism sucks and everyone is trapped in a job to be able to make it by, and making that harder makes it suck even more.

  
Whenever anyone over the age of thirty-five or so came in Dave always got himself ready. So when the group of middle aged business folk waltzed on in Dave couldn’t help but curse under his breath. Thankfully they entirely ignored his presence while getting themselves comfortable at a table near the back of the small coffee shop. Dave made sure to tuck himself close to his textbooks and papers up until one of them came up to the counter and he was forced to communicate.

  
“Hey, what can I get for you?” Dave’s words balanced nicely between laid back and professional, perfect for the environment. If only he could be more genuine with the smile. Eye contact wasn’t necessary with his shades set on the bridge of his nose even indoors.

  
“David? Gosh, I had no idea you worked here!”

  
The familiar voice gushed politely. Dave knew it well. When he actually focused, the voice matched up perfectly with the man standing before him. About a foot taller than himself, shoulders and back straight, jet black hair streaked with a silvery-grey on either side. All topped off with one of the guy’s stupid as hell fedoras that he somehow managed to pull off even in this day and age.

  
John’s dad, fondly known to both boys as Dad Egbert.

  
Upon seeing that it was him instead of some rude forty year old PTA mom, Dave’s expression brightened as much as he would allow with his rule (complex) about looking cool and composed at all times. “Mr. E! Long time, no talk. How’s it hangin’, what can I do you for?”

  
“Things are swell! Here on business, I’m afraid. I’ll have two medium iced coffees, one with skim, and a straight coffee for myself, thank you.” Polite as ever, the elder Egbert smiled as he ordered. Teeth blinding white, skin so much more tan than Dave’s own, but not quite to the extent of Bro’s. A nice, non-ridiculous amount of non-orange color to his skin.

  
“Right. Just two minutes and I’ll whip it up for you. It’ll be like. Psh, ten bucks for you, old man.” His usual work voice, faux interest and forced politeness, loosened to something familiar, something he could clearly remember using a thousand and one times in the Egbert kitchen when he was on the opposite end of this asking Dad for breakfast.

  
Once dismissed by another thank you from the elder, Dave got to work. Though while he got to work on making all three drinks, he couldn’t help but glance to Dad. It was weird as all hell to actually see him out in public, living his life instead of being the father that Dave had always assumed him to only be. A child’s distorted thinking that made it seem like teachers only existed inside school hours and dad’s only existed to be parents and nothing else. Yet here he was, on a business meeting probably planning super important things that would affect companies and share holders and whatever other gears that made big time clocks turn.

  
Dad didn’t seem at all disturbed by seeing him behind a counter instead of leaning up against the one in his own kitchen. Yet Dave felt weird about even thinking of calling him dad instead of his real name. He never used his real name. He knew it, but the man was always just dad. The father figure. The man of the house. The guy who would scold both him and John for being too loud, swearing at the table, any number of things they did that weren’t appropriate by his standards.

  
“Here you go. So fresh the bean practically just jumped off the plants. The coffee plants.” Dave handed the drinks over after setting them into a cardboard cup carrier.

  
“Many thanks, Strider.” Dad’s smile gleamed while he grabbed for his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled a tenner out of… a fuck ton of bills.  
The sheer amount of them had Dave’s eyes pinned on them. Thank whatever gods there were that his shades hid his gaze perfectly, or else he would be totally busted. If he wasn’t already for going quiet so suddenly. It only got worse as his eyes caught a glimpse of the clearly marked ‘100’s on the edge of at least half of the bills.

  
He was going to choke on air.

  
Since when was John’s dad’s wallet thick as all hell? Thicker than his own damn thighs. Holy fuck.

  
“Yeah. Yeah, course, you’re always welcome Mr. E.” Dave could only hope he got himself together within a reasonable amount of seconds to take the bill from Dad and go through the routine register bullshit to give the man his receipt.

  
It seemed his oogling went entirely unnoticed though, as Dad happily took the receipt and coffee and went on his way to sit down with his colleagues. Again Dave thanked silently for it after the goodbye pleasantries. Needless to say, he was cursing himself for the rest of his shift at how stupid it had been to get so caught up about something so silly. Sure, he was broke but he in no way would call himself desperate. Just surprised that John had failed to mention that his family was seating comfortably on a throne of cash and comfortable salaries. No wonder John could afford to take a year off and be such a slacker about his classes.

  
Thinking of it, it left a bitter taste in Dave’s tongue as he forced himself back into his studies.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is awkward and gay. that is all

The course of the next two weeks was different. School was an entirely new experience with John as a roommate. The usual awkward nights spent with a stranger as a roommate were cut entirely from the schedule. Nights were spent doubled over laughing on the floor with monopoly boards flipped over and the xbox left running all night after passing out on each others beds. It was easy, and even more, it was fun.  
  
And John wasn’t the only Egbert he got to see more of.  
  
While work was still mostly the same shifts spent studying and dealing out the daily doses of caffeine and sugar, there were days that made it worth it. It wasn’t that often at first. One time during lunch hour a few days after their first quick exchange. Of course it was too busy, so Dave only got a few short words with the matured, suit clad Egbert. Then another a few days later, late afternoon while Dave was busing the tables. If the manager had been in to see, he probably would have gotten fired for sitting down at a booth and chatting it up with the old man.  
  
From then on it became something he looked forward to. The sight of a white fedora wandering into the shop every other day made it easy to motivate himself to go to work. It made it hard to concentrate on homework, but that was alright. He had enough time to do it other times. Or so he told himself.  
  
It was worth it, in his opinion. A bit of study time sacrificed for an uplifting conversation. Whether it be about how things were going for Dave or how work was for James.  
  
That alone had been a hell of a conversation; James getting him to actually address him by name.  
  
What had started out with a bit of small talk over the counter had ended up with Egbert pulling up a stool to sit on and drink his coffee while Dave hunched over his notebook.  
  
“You know, David, I’ve counted and exactly five of your patrons today have given you odd looks for calling me Dad.” James pointed out in the flattest tone he could muster. Without even looking Dave knew a smile was playing on his lips.  
  
“I didn’t think you cared about shit like the general public judging us for calling you a father figure, Eggs.”  
  
The scoff of a laugh was enough to have Dave smiling down at his notes.  
  
“I don’t. Even so, you could call me James.”  
  
“Okay daddy.”  
  
“James.”  
  
“Daddy.” It rolled off of Dave’s tongue easy. A blonde brow cocked up at James, immediately followed by another in a look of surprised amusement as he looked up to see the man staring at him in astonishment. As if he couldn’t believe he’d heard such a tone from Dave’s mouth.

  
Even just thinking about it days later was enough to make Dave laugh sometimes. More than a few times he’d find himself thinking back to it to get himself through work or boring classes, sitting and fawning over the memory instead of paying attention. It had gotten him in trouble with homework later more than a few times in the past week.It was like that with a lot of things though, once he thought about it more. 

It was too easy, to think back to all the things said between himself and James. So many little jokes that he always tried to use of James, whether the man would laugh genuinely or laugh just because of how terrible they were. Both were perfect, really. Not to mention the sound of James voice in different instances. Serious when he was talking about his work (figures and words that Dave didn’t understand but soaked up none the less) or lighter tones when the topic was Dave himself or John, or anything more casual. It was almost airy. The kind of voice that was easy on the ears. Easy on everything.  
  
But… God, he was treating it like he was some 50s school girl, blonde curls bouncing, apples of his cheeks a cute blushing pink with giggles galore. Obsessing over a crush.  
  
But he wasn’t crushing. He told himself it, several times through the next day. Laying in bed with the lights off and his phone in his hands. He wasn’t crushing. Sitting that morning in the ungodly hours of the morning, staring at the board in the front of the lecture hall were his professor was droning about a topic he wasn’t listening too. He was not crushing. 

By afternoon he had the words on repeat in his head as he scribbled down in his notebook furiously. It’d only been two weeks since that first meet up, and yet James’ sudden consistent presence in his life seemed so monumental. It was such a small change yet it made such a huge difference. It was ridiculous, by all means. Dave couldn’t figure it out, or wouldn’t let himself. One or the other. He blocked it out of his mind, not letting himself obsess over it.  
  
Only problem with that was that it worked to block out most everything else, including the small jingle that sounded through the establishment upon the door opening.  
  
“Afternoon, David.” Came the oh so familiar voice that he had been trying so hard to get out of his head.  
  
Crimson eyes flickered up to the man who stood expectantly in front of him with the ever present smile. Dave’s eyes were drawn to it without even thinking, staring for a little too long. But he was NOT crushing. He wasn’t. He-  
  
“Dave, dear boy?” James chuckled with a slight awkward undertone to it, tapping his fingers on the counter near Dave’s textbook.  
  
He was so fucked.  
  
“Yeah. Fuck- yeah, sorry man. Focused too hard on the fossilization of…” What was he even reading? None of it had sunk in as his eyes had scanned the pages. “Something. What can I get for you? The usual?”

James dark eyebrows tilted upwards, a small knot of confusion forming between them, but he didn’t push for any explanation on the strange behavior. “No, actually, not today.”  
  
Then it was Dave’s turn to upturn a brow at the words. James? Not order coffee? It was either the end of the world, or the guy was finally realizing that caffeine is insanely bad for you. Either way, it was weird.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Yes, I’m afraid I’m not here as a customer today.” For a brief moment James actually sounded almost embarrassed, making Dave more than a bit confused. But James didn’t acknowledge it. Only continued. “I was just at your dorm to speak to John. I dropped by some apple fritters and other treats for you boys, also. Just in case you were interested. But alas, back to the point. John may have hinted that you were complaining about clothes? About not having anything in shape enough for work and class?”  
  
Mortification. It shot through Dave like the first step into an ice cold shower. It wasn’t the first time he’d been severely gracious for the way his shades could hide the majority of his expression, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.  
  
He didn’t even know what to say to that. Sure, yes, he’d been complaining a few days ago about how his jeans were all ripped around the bottom from over wearing them, and his sweaters hardly fit him anymore, and shit did he need a new binder. But he didn’t think John had actually been LISTENING. The guy was on the xbox playing GTA loud as all hell. How was he supposed to know?  
  
Luckily (or rather unluckily), James continued so Dave didn’t have to come up with any response. “So, I was wondering when you got off your shift, and whether you’d like to accompany me for an afternoon of shopping?” 

He wanted to say no. No, James couldn’t do this for him. Dave may see him as a father figure (he had, who knew what he saw him as anymore), but he couldn’t let him do this for him. He couldn’t take handouts.  
  
“Sure.”  
  
Fuck.

 

* * *

 

 

Dave was used to things a certain way, and that way was entirely different than what happened after his shift.  
  
The only vehicle he’d known throughout growing up was a shitty, rusted pick up truck in the ugliest orange you could possibly imagine. It forever smelled of gasoline and cigarettes with just a small hint of mint air freshener from the worn out pine tree handing from the rear view mirror. The passenger seat buckle was broken in an unfortunate skate board incident, the radio decided by itself whether or not it wanted to work, and the air conditioning was just for looks, only swirling around the hot air inside the cab.  
  
Needless to say, James car was an entirely new and even more so uncomfortable experience. It actually WORKED, without any fear of it breaking down. The interior was all leather everything, and the dash was filled with more buttons and lights than Dave knew what to do with. Was that heated seats? In Houston? Ridiculous.  
  
The ride itself wasn’t too, too bad. A bit quiet, but James let Dave pick the radio station between nice pleasantries about what kind of things Dave usually wore and his style.  
  
It was actually kind of nice. Up until they actually got to the mall.  
  
Dave knew it well in all of his years of being a mall rat. It was always easy to take a bus and get away from home, hang out with friends or even just wander around on his own. He was sure it was some kind of illegal to loiter around and not actually buy anything, but he hadn’t particularly cared. Now the only reason he ever really came by was if a friend wanted to hang out there, or if it was the annual time to scavenge around the department stores for cheap clothes.

It was made immediately clear that James wasn’t going to go by the same rules he did for himself. Once through the doors, Dave’s hand was filled with a green tea iced cap that probably cost more than he was willing to spend on food for half of the week. He didn’t think he’d ever even stepped into the fancy little cafe James bought it from. Yet it was the first of many times the man would careless hand bills over a counter.  
  
The first store James directed him to was one of the ones in a strip throughout the middle of the mall where they had pretty tiled fountains and benches set up, a skylight above to light it all with orange sunlight. And yet the store had it’s own lights. Bright white walls and lights with black accents and shelves and racks of clothes sorted meticulously. it was daunting to step into in his own ratty skinny jeans and old t-shirt.  
  
“These would look lovely on you.” James was quick to take a pair of jeans off the rack. They were admittedly his style with the black fabric and white threaded seams.  
  
The elder moved to hold them up against him to look him over, but Dave’s eyes weren’t on how they would fit or whether they were the right size, not like James. His were pinned on trying to get a glimpse at the price tag. It took a bit but he finally got his hands on the dangling tag, squinting his eyes down at it.  
  
“They won’t look good.”  
  
At the words, James froze and looked up at Dave, expression somewhere between surprise and concern. “Nonsense. You haven’t even tried them on yet. What had you said your size was? I think the leg on these is too l-”  
  
“No, dude. I’m serious, not these ones. We can look somewhere else.” It wasn’t a questionable topic. Dave made sure that much was clear in his tone as he took the jeans from James’ hands and hung them back on the rack. “I don’t like them.”  
  
While James didn’t try to stop the jeans from being taken, he did look over Dave with the worry on his face becoming even more clear. “Dave, we’ve hardly looked at anything here. What’s wrong?”  
  
The question had it so damn hard to keep his own expression clear of anything. It was just too much. The price, the look James was giving him, the way this man was volunteering to spend his hard earned money on him instead of himself or his own son. 

“Nearly two hundred bucks is wrong.” He replied in a harsh whisper. His usual cool exterior was cracking slowly from the inside out as he tried to usher James out of the store.

Thankfully it wasn’t too hard. His hand on James shirt sleeve wasn’t swatted away and there was no argument about how he tugged him away from the suffocating digits. That was half a weekly paycheck. Sometimes not even, if his manager didn’t give him enough shifts or hours. He couldn’t swallow that down, not for one pair of jeans.  
  
Only once they were standing near one of the fountains, enough away from anyone else loitering around, did James really seem to try and talk to him again. “Dave, dear, it’s alright. I thought I made myself clear, it’s on me. Consider it a gift.”  
  
  
“It’s not my birthday, James!” He didn’t mean to put so much of his stress into his voice, but it definitely happened. “I can’t just- take that. That’s your money spent, not mine.”  
  
Dave heard the sigh from James more than he saw it. They had already been standing pretty close, but Dave had his head turned down until he felt the hand on his side. Just below his ribs, feeling it halfway through his binder and half only through his shirt.  
  
When he looked up, he couldn’t read the expression on James face. It was familiar, but he didn’t think James had ever directed it at him.  
  
“I want to do this for you, Dave. The money is no object, I promise. I offered to make things easier on you, nothing else.” It dawned on him them. It was the fatherly tone, caring but firm. He’d heard it all throughout his friendship with the younger Egbert. Whenever John would complain about homework or chores, or stay up too late during sleepovers. A tone not meant for him, yet James was speaking like it was no big deal.  
  
It took a good half a minute at the very least for Dave to think of anything in response. He didn’t deserve that kind of tone, not when the majority of his day had been spent trying to convince himself that he wasn’t head over heels for the man in front of him.  
  
“That’s insane. I can’t pay you back.” 

The laugh that came in response almost had Dave offended. Almost. If only it wasn’t so warm, sounding like it came deep from within James chest. “You don’t have to.”  
  
“Uh, yeah. I do.” Dave all but scoffed in return.  
  
But then that hand on him slid down a little lower and an involuntary shiver spread over his back.  
  
“Alright. You can pay me back when you can. However you want.”


	3. Chapter 3

Finally, for the first time since he’d moved in with John, Dave came home to find him working at his desk. Any other time that would have been a relief. John needed to spend more time on his schoolwork than he did on Halo or Dragon Age. Not that Dave was ever opposed to seeing the beauty that was Dorian as John played, but still.   
  
Though, John chose the worst time ever to actually decide to be a good student.  
  
“Some weird shit just went down, man. I gotta tell you about this. It’s monumental and will change everything ever.” Dave rambled as he threw his book bag onto the floor near his own desk.  
  
“Can’t. This is due at midnight.”  
  
Cue the glare in John’s direction. “Maybe if you would have done it a week ago like you should have, you won’t be in such a rush.”  
  
“You sound like my dad. I know you’ve been around him more but jeez. Don’t go turning 80 on me this year.” John snorted, eyes strictly on his paper.   
  
“Shut up, dude.”   
  
Dave resigned himself to just laying down onto his bed with a sigh, staring up at the ceiling. The most boring off-white color in the world. Maybe egg shell white? No, too white. Almost beige but not quite. Darker than the shirt James had been wearing that afternoon when he’d come around to the cafe to talk about the new gingerbread flavored coffee they’d come out with just in time for autumn weather. And by just in time, of course they meant a month too early to try and get a head start on the big scary corporate coffee sellers.  
  
It had been exactly a week since their big shopping expedition. Dave had come out of it with more than a few pairs of jeans, a good amount of t shirts, a couple sweaters and his new prize possessions- Jordan Retros. In red, of course. The nicest pair of shoes he’d ever held in his hands let alone wore on his feet. And yet James had no problem chucking over the hundred seventy for them like it made no different. It probably didn’t.  
  
As much as he loved the shoes and was grateful for all the new clothes, they came along with such a huge sense of anxiety. Every time he wore them out there was always a little zap of excitement because fuck yes, all of it was his. Everything he was wearing was stylish and complimented his style and wasn’t some shitty twenty dollar knock off from Target. And yet the fact that they were bought with James money lingered with each step. It was a curse and a blessing all wrapped up in one, especially when James just had to compliment him on them whenever he saw him in something new at work.  
  
Never would he have thought hearing a compliment from James would make him feel bad, and yet there it was. Happening every time ‘you look heavenly’ or ‘those look splendid on you’ came out of James mouth, Dave’s heart sank further into his stomach.   
  
Things only got worse when Dave realized he was fucked for trying to pay James back. He had no extra cash that he could spare for it, even if it took him years to pay it back. He couldn’t afford to save any out for it or he’d have to miss meals, which he knew James wouldn’t want in the slightest. He had thought about offering up his services for chores like he used to. Summers spent mowing the Egbert’s lawn, weeding the garden in the back or raking up leaves in the fall were always good memories for Dave, but that idea was cut short when he realized he didn’t have that kind of time anymore. Not with school and his job to account for. He even tried giving James his semi-daily coffees for free.   
  
It would have been a good idea. It was easy for Dave to just take it off his pay check when he gave people discounts. But the conversation hadn’t gone over well.  
  
“6.50. I actually have exact change this time, since I know how you hate splitting twenties.” James had grinned at his own consideration for the blonde, but the instant response from Dave had been a shake of his head.  
  
“Not today, Egbert. It’s on me.” Dave’s voice had been so confident. His plan had been foolproof. The perfect plan.  
  
James’ expression had first been surprise, then morphed into an amused smile with a matching laugh.  
  
“Nonsense!” The bills and change had been slid over the smooth surface of the counter, as much as Dave had tried to argue.  
  
How could he have argued with a face like that? The guy wasn’t even forceful about it. He was just _NICE._  
  
It had only been that very morning that Dave had finally come to terms with it all, as well as had his life changing, world altering idea. As everyone knows, the best time to have epiphanies is when your professor is lecturing about different petrified animals in climates below zero and how it differs from the process in higher climates. Of course. It wasn’t really too hard of a conclusion to come to, considering how for the past three weeks Dave had been denying it to himself. It just wasn’t as easy to come to terms with. After all, it was his best friends dad. Maybe if it was only that he was older it wouldn’t be as bad. Lots of people were into older guys. Just like a lot of younger guys were into older people. That’s why cougars existed, right? Right.   
  
But it wasn’t merely some older guy he had happened to meet at his work. It was John’s dad, the man who had, let’s face it, practically half raised Dave with how much he was over. He had been in Dave’s life as much as any uncle or close relative would have been, if he had had any. The Egbert house had always been an escape. It was the place where he could go to get away from the apartment when things got too much. There was never any need for suspicion, no fear of the thin, sharp sound of steel against steel. Dave didn’t need to be aware of where every first aid kit in the house was, because there was no need for stitches or serious bandaging. The only thing he’d ever needed in that area at the Egbert house were band-aids when he cut his fingers and roughed up his knees with John. It was his safe place through all those times, and James had been the person who had let him have it.  
  
And now he was gay for him. Classy, really. Probably even somehow morally wrong on some level, but not nearly as wrong as the idea that he’d had after coming to terms with his unruly infatuation.  
  
He’d seen it before on so, so many pop up and click bait ads. On the front of teen-y bop magazines and tabloids. The idea wasn’t anything new to him, but actually considering it- that was something he’d never thought he’d ever have to, nor want to do. Yet as he stared up at his ceiling and listening to the sound of John rotating between pencil scratches on paper and typing on his laptop, it only seemed more and more alluring.   
  
James had the money, Dave had... well. Youth, dexterity, his virginity. He had everything to give if James wanted it. Dave hardly even considered it selling his body. If it had been anyone else, maybe. By all technicalities, it did count as it. He was considering giving himself to James in exchange for James buying him shit. That... was definitely an exchange. Not for direct currency, but shit, it was close enough. The definition of having a sugar daddy.   
  
Dave had no doubt it would work. He was more than willing, but had no clue how to go about proposing it to James. The ceiling wasn’t giving him very many answers, and even if Dave had gotten up the nerve to tell John, the guy was balls deep in his schoolwork and what looked to be three cans of Monster energy.  
  
Daddy issues had never been such a huge issue in his life before, yet now they were somehow wrapped around him tight as a python, tempting him with the fruit that was his best friend’s dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, since i've had a few comments about updates for this fic (super glad everyone is liking it enough to beg for updates!!) i'm going to put this here!
> 
> this fic will be updated AT THE VERY LEAST every second day up until it's finished! 
> 
> that being said, there will be smut in the next chapter i promise


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just in case anyone wants to skip smut, there's smut here. spoiler alert. about halfway through, so if you wanna skip it. you can skip the chapter or you can read halfway.

“Hear me out here. You said I can pay you back however I want, and since we both know I’m dirt fucking poor, I’ve come up with something that will be great for the both of us should it span out as well as planned. And of course, should you accept the proposal I’m about to bestow upon your ears. I would tell you to take a seat for it but you’re already seated so.  
  
“I want you to be my sugar daddy.”  
  
  
The look on James face had been flawless. One of the history books. Never in his life had Dave seen a more genuine look of surprise on anyone’s face. It put any actor in any horror movie to shame. It made Drew Barrymore’s performance in Scream look like grade F bullshit. Everything that came after was less than memorable, though. The only reason it stayed in Dave’s mind for the days to come was exclusively their cringe-worthy abundance of embarrassment.  
  
Yet he’d agreed.  
  
James Egbert, certified matured business man and dad of every year, award deserving baker and cook, admittedly attractive as hell dilf, had said yes to being his sugar daddy. Or, to trying it out. There had been a good amount of questions, rules, guidelines, and at least fifteen times where James had asked Dave whether he was really sure. Assurances that they didn’t have to, that Dave didn’t have to pay him back anyway, let alone like THAT. But Dave knew what he wanted.  
  
He still knew, even as he was led up the familiar stairs of the Egbert house. One step at a time, thirteen stairs up to reach the hall. It wasn’t often that Dave got so seriously nervous, but there was one fatal flaw he’d ‘forgotten’ to mention at their rendezvous to put it all together. They’d covered everything. What they both liked in bed, how rough they would get, what kinds of things were hard nos for either of them, safe words, aftercare. Anything and everything that would be necessary for their little arrangements. The only thing that Dave had neglected to mention happened to be probably the most important. He’d even told about his verified red cardholder-ship, yet the fact that he was extremely dick-less never came into the conversation.  
  
Ever since John and him had started chatting online when they were both around ten, Dave had always gone by his own chosen name. He hated the name given to him by for numerous reasons. First off being it was extremely feminine, and second that the only memories of it he had were that of his brother using them. Dave was well aware that it wasn’t Bro who had given him the name, but each time he heard the man say or yell it in his deep, thick accented commanding tone it made him feel more and more sick each time. John had of course figured out that it wasn’t Dave’s legal name at the age of sixteen, when his father and him had moved from their home in Washington to Houston. Dave knew he wouldn’t be able to hide it forever, so instead of letting it be accidentally revealed in some horrifically scarring event he had just come out with it one summer afternoon hanging out at John’s house. He’d been good about it. Lots of questions of course, but Dave couldn’t say he minded. Being how his home life was, he hadn’t truly been able to talk about it in depth with anyone before so getting John up to date was more than he could ask for.  
  
Yet he’d never thought to come out to James before. The man had never asked. When John told him about his friend Dave the man had never questioned the scrawny, freckle covered blonde. Even when he wasn’t able to get his hands on a binder of any sort his breasts were always easy enough to hide. A B cup wasn’t exactly the worst to deal with, and no one ever needed to know what was going on in his pants. It was just something that was accepted. Dave was a guy in the Egbert home. He always had been.  
  
Now, the idea that James’ illusion of that would be shattered had Dave jittery and wanting to bolt. The feeling of the hand on the small of his back was screaming for how soft it actually was. It was hardly even there, yet Dave knew exactly where it was on his t-shirt and how it was just slightly under an inch above the waistband of his jeans. The grey ones they’d bought from the store with the floor that lit up. With the price tag James wouldn’t let him look at.  
  
Regret washed through him chilly and sharp in a way that had the hair at the back of his neck raising. Being led into the room, the second door on the left, the one right after John’s, felt the weirdest. Dave had seen glimpses inside but it was always John’s room that he had headed to. Now he was stepping into the room that was so ADULT that it almost hurt.  
  
Clean, pure white sheets topped with a fancy ass looking throw (also probably the softest looking) and the kind of fuck ton of pillows you would see on a Bed, Bath and Beyond display. Dave didn’t even know people actually did that. That was an absurd amount of pillows. One man surely didn’t need that many-  
  
“You look nervous.”  
  
Looking at James from the doorway, Dave had yet to realize he hadn’t moved from said doorway. James had sat himself down on the edge of the Sears catalogue bed, already loosening his tie.  
  
“Nah, nah. All good here, pops.” He said with his facade in place, double bolted and triple checked. No way he was letting himself slip up on this.  
  
With a hopefully cool and collected stride, he made his way over. Kicked his shoes off and climbed up onto the bed, making himself right at home in the middle with his legs crossed. Not really at home, since it felt wrong all together. No bed should feel that wrong to sit on. It was worse than the first time sitting down on a stiff hotel bed, only this bed was ten thousand times softer and fluffier than any bed had the right to be.  
  
“Perfect. So, safe word is red. Yellow for when you need us to slow down. We’ll take this slow at first.” Glancing over, Dave watched as James started to unbutton his dress shirt, his chest the same dark-ish tone, showing a bit of salt and pepper as he reached his midriff. A treasure trail that man-scaped had to take so much time. It had a rush of both thrill and severe jealously running through Dave.  
  
Looking away, Dave nodded. “Absolutely. Gotcha.”  
  
Should he had been pulling his shirt off too? The question wasn’t answered by his own thoughts, or by James. Who seemed to be so calm it was almost scary. It brought on so many more questions. How many times had James done this? Something so casual. Did he always do this with people? With people his age? He’d hardly noticed how long he’d been just sitting there staring at the sheets until something moved in the very edge of his vision.  
  
James hand waving to the side of him. “I know I’ve asked too many times already, but are you sure you’re alright with this?”  
  
“Yeah. Dude, totally.” Dave could really only hope that he sounded as confident as he wanted to.  
  
Based on James response, it didn’t.  
  
“You don’t have to make yourself do this, Dave.” He spoke too softly, too… fatherly. “I’d be fine with going downstairs, having coffee. You can tell me about how classes have been going.”  
  
A sigh deep, heavy sigh left Dave. He wanted this. This had been his idea, his whole master plan. He had to get up the guts to do this shit. Make this shit HAPPEN.  
  
“No. No, it’s fine.” Tracing along the hem of his shirt, he started to pull it up his torso. Compared to James, his stomach was soft. A bit of muscle from all the walking and lifting in the back of the cafe, but that was about it. Nothing when placed up next to the defined muscles he could clearly see on James’ torso.  
  
And of course, as soon as the t-shirt was set down on the bed, the silence ensued. The cat was out of the box and his binder was out in the open. Dave couldn’t get himself to look up at James to see what expression he was wearing. The quiet drew on for what felt like forever. Way longer than it had with John when he’d come out. But then again, the situation had been way different.  
  
“So then. When you said about oral. That… still applies, yes?” James asked, with the kind of careful tone that Dave knew so well. It was the tone everyone used when they had no idea what to say about it. As if it were such a sensitive topic that they had to skim around it, not fully say it. The ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’ of topics.  
  
“Yeah. I still- I like being eaten out.” Dave nodded and swallowed thickly. No one seemed to be making any moves to do anything, and the tense, awkward air was almost suffocating.  
  
“Is there anything else you didn’t mention?” Slowly, James’ voice was getting back to the normal steady tone that made Dave’s anxiety calm down just slightly. “Not that I’m assuming. I don’t want to step on any toes here that I shouldn’t. I’ve never… I’m not as educated in these things as I’d like to be. I always just assumed, since John said-”  
  
“No. No, you did good. It’s fine.” Dave quickly assured. “You did great, actually. But now it’s just. I don’t wanna make this weird or anything, I still wanna do this. I know I should have told you and all. I get if it isn’t what you wanted or expected, I can go home. Or you can drive me home, I guess.”  
  
“Hush. Everything can still go as planned.” James said, stopping the rambling before it could go too far which Dave was utterly thankful for. “Now, as I mentioned, we can take this slow. Can I kiss you?”  
  
Dave had a plethora of different remarks he could have made. It wasn’t like this was his first kiss. He didn’t need the beat around the bush with it, even if he was a virgin. James was too careful, too… loving. Fuck, who was he kidding. With a nod, Dave gave his permission.  
  
“No, Dave.” James’ voice was firm, as much as it was soft. When Dave looked up, he’d moved closer so he was sitting right in front of him. “I need a yes. I’m not doing anything without a clear yes for you, darling.”  
  
The petname had Dave blinking behind his shades, shocked for a moment at how actually caring it was. “Yeah. Yes, I mean. Yeah.”  
  
That seemed to be all it took to make James’ lips tilt up into a smile. It wasn’t the extreme slow motion, stars bursting into the sky, love-of-my-life kiss that the movies had Dave prepared for, but then again, neither was his first kiss with the brunette girl in fifth grade. He couldn’t ever remember her name, whether because the boy in seventh grade swept it under the rug or because she was that unmemorable. But either way, it was useless to try and figure it out when James’ lips were up against his.  
  
It was softer than he’d really expected. James hands starting on his hips and working their way up his torso was nicer than Dave had ever really thought being felt up could be. They were large over his skin, not exactly rough but nothing like any other fumbling, terrible quick make up and feel up he’d ever had in his teen years. Even if he could feel how James hands hesitated at the edge of his binder. Nothing that couldn’t be fixed with an encouraging slip of his tongue up against James bottom lip.  
  
It’s said encouragement only goes so far, yet it seemed it was enough. Within a few minutes Dave was laid out on his back and those jeans that had started it all were on James floor somewhere. Somewhere that neither of them cared about since James had set the first kiss in between Dave’s legs.  
  
Dave had never felt comfortable with his legs spread, but James holding his thighs and sliding his tongue over the fabric of Dave’s boxers was more than comfortable. There were no thoughts of first kisses or how many pillows were around them. They came in pretty handy by the time James had slid the boxers off and was two fingers deep.  
  
“God, yes. Fucking- curl them up, curl them up!” He said, his hips squirming up to try and get what he wanted from the other.  
  
“David.” The tone was almost strict enough alone to have Dave looking up, but what really got his attention was how James stopped moving. “I won’t tolerate language like that.”  
  
“Wh-?”  
  
“I mean it.”  
  
“What the shit? No, keep going!” He wiggled on the bed, trying to push himself back onto James fingers.  
  
“Ah, ah. No cursing.” The tone was the same, but oh the grin on James face was way more clear than last time.  
  
Dave damn near whined, the sound thin in his throat. He knew what might work, want James wanted him to say to keep going. They’d discussed it, but now that it was actually happening it seemed so, so much more embarrassing than Dave had thought it would be.  
  
“Daddy… c’mon.” He said, his voice hushed to match the dark red color that had worked it’s way over his face and the tips of his ears. Usually his shades would have done the job of hiding the worst of it, but he had no idea where they’d ended up. Not on his face, that was for sure.  
  
As quiet as it was, it worked flawlessly. His lips parted in a moan louder than any of the ones before, hearing James chuckle. It didn’t help in the slightest with the pleasure coiling up in his core, burning through him far quicker than he’d ever been able to get himself off. Dave hadn’t even seen a hint of a condom and he was already so close.  
  
“Fuck me! Please, m’too close!” He warned as his back arched up off the mattress.  
  
A couple of tsks from James’ tongue and it all stopped. The flood of sensation turned into a dull throb that had Dave needier than ever.  
  
“Dave baby, I’m sure you won’t make me repeat myself.”  
  
“No, no. Don’t, don’t do this now.” Dave turned his head, muffling his whimper into the sheets.  
  
Slowly, he could feel the fingers inside him rub up just right. Just enough to have him clenching around James fingers for a second or so.  
  
“I’m sorry! I’m- shi- I’m sorry, lemme finish daddy!” He cried out more desperately than he knew he was capable of.  
  
And suddenly the stars were there. Everything whited out as James fingers delved in deep and fast, and his thumb pressed up against Dave’s clit. He might’ve moaned, or it might’ve been a scream, but Dave couldn’t bring himself to care as his orgasm washed over him like a tsunami. The only gentle part about it was James’ hand, moving to slide up along his hip, and the kiss that came to the inside of his thigh once his body had slowed down enough to let go of the death grip on the man’s fingers.  
  
“Holy SHIT.” It was breathless and thoughtless, and all around the haziest words that had ever left his mouth.  
  
Luckily, James seemed to have calmed down on the daddy front. Instead of a chastising, Dave got the smallest peck to the corner of his lips. A soft, loving caress with his cleaner hand through his hair. Everything so gentle that Dave swore he could cry.  
  
The chances of it increased so much more once James spoke. “You look gorgeous like this, sweetheart.”  
  
“God, you’d better make me look like this again. Right now. With your dick.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this chapter is a little more angst heavy, i'm going to put up some warnings here.
> 
> this chapter contains: !!!! panic attack stuff caused by gender dysphoria and also by past abuse resurfacing!!! 
> 
> be careful if you think anything of those natures will affect you in anyway!

“Tell daddy what you want, baby boy.”

“Want you inside me, deep inside me. I wanna… Want you to go faster already, please!”

The chuckle from above Dave was almost as breathy as his own voice was. Almost. Never quite as uncontrolled and desperate. “Something you don’t already HAVE, dear.”

Dave had quickly learned in the past few weeks that trying to actually form coherent thoughts while James was bathing him in affection and other such pleasurable sensations was hard. Extremely hard. He’d wager it was probably about as hard as James was inside of him at that moment.

“Uh.. fff- I don’t…? Kicks. I want kicks. The nice… burgundy ones we saw.” He tried to stutter out as James’ rocked into him agonizingly slow but deep as all hell.

 

In the past weeks, things had panned out better than ever expected. School and work were the same as ever, but the down time in between each had switched up dramatically. The routine had turned into school, work, then James picking him up after his shifts. Either to drive him back to his dorm and visit with John on the odd occasion that he had the closing shift, or for fun when he had afternoon shifts. The fun always varied. Whether it be to stay in at Egbert’s house and lounge around, or to go out for a late afternoon on the town, Dave found he adored both.

They’d already been on more than a few dates. Dave had been sure it would only be the same as their first shopping expedition, but boy was he mistaken. James spoiled him damn near rotten. He was given a budget each time now, set out before they left the car. He could get whatever he wanted, as long as it was within budget. Then dinner was always on James. Never the shitty fast food Dave would call a treat for himself, no. It was fine dinning. Reservations and candlelit tables dressed in white. Three course meals with a rich dessert to finish.

It was about a week into the whole thing that Dave figured out how it worked. At first he’d just assumed James was pulling the budgets out of his ass, or going by what he thought he could afford out of his paycheck. It was during one of their little rumbles in the bedroom that he figured it out.

The budget and their bedroom affairs always matched. If he didn’t swear, at all, the budget raised. If he did, it lowered. A blowjob got him a good sum, but riding James got him even more. The longer he could hold out when James denied him orgasm, the more digits got added. So on and so on. Even with the knowledge under his fingertips, Dave still found himself just winging it on occasion.

 

“Do you now? Those would be marvelous for you.” James complimented him with one of the charming smiles that Dave had found looked so, so much better on the man when his hair was unruly and his cobalt eyes were filled with… adoration? Something along the lines.

Even just the approval in words like that from James was always enough to have him moaning out just that much louder. James never denied him, no matter how ridiculous the request was. It’d led to the purchase of his new phone and headphones, as well as a kiddie pool for John and himself, and a slide to match. More than a few drunken mishaps already, when Dave found the time to actually be at the dorm enough to get drunk. So, not often.

 

But there was one request Dave had yet to say anything about. It wasn’t like any of the others he’d given so far. He’d had his fun with bullshit things bought off the internet and shopping sprees so big his closet was starting to overflow. What he really wanted was something that he knew should be discussed under different terms, but whenever he got the chance he froze up and ended up changing the subject. Which was a shame, considering there were so many times they would end up relaxing around the kitchen, James making them coffee and talking in his soft after-sex voice that Dave had gotten so addicted to lately. Or even after dinners when they would come back and James would light his pipe and they would play scrabble or just stay by the fireplace.

It was silly, considering how good James had been about it in the first place, but the fear was still there. No matter how ridiculous, each time he tried the words got caught in his throat and something else took their place.

Better when James was balls deep inside of him and asking than never, he supposed.

“I wanna go on T, daddy.” Dave spat out finally. Quieter than he meant between his panting breath, but he knew James would hear it all the same.

Dave had expected James to slow down, or maybe even stop all together, but the words didn’t seem to make James change pace at all. He kept it up as he spoke, as if it was as casual as if they were sitting at the kitchen table drinking french vanilla with extra creamer.

“Dave baby, you know I am in every way supportive of you, but you’re going to have to give me more information on what you’re talking about here.” If Dave had been more focused on the task at hand, he probably would have heard the slight grunt mixed into the words. Unfortunately, he was too busy trying to find the right way to explain while the soft, slick sounds of their affairs filled the silence instead.

“Uh.. sh- It’s, uh, hormones. Mmh… Testosterone.” He said among short intakes of breath. “Kinda expensive but I want-”

“My gorgeous boy wants to transition.” James interrupted Dave’s spotty explanation, hardly even a whisper and yet the tone was filled with a new kind of pride that Dave couldn’t being to deal with.

How the hell do you even respond to a tone like that when the person giving it to you is skimming the head of his dick over your g-spot every few seconds? With great difficulty. “Y- fff- Yes, I wanna. I wanna be- I wanna be a b-boy.”

Dave had expected it earlier, but when James slowed down at that moment it had the blonde blinking up.

“Sweetheart, you always have been.” He spoke in a way that was more than surely supposed to be reassuring, and maybe it would have been another time. A time when his cock wasn’t still hot and heavy inside of an orifice that Dave was usually thankful for when it was given this much pleasure.

But dysphoria is a bitch, especially the gender kind.

Neither had ever needed it before, and Dave had been sure that the first time he’d use it would be for something else. Maybe while James was giving his ass a good few bright red hand marks, or while rope was rubbing him up in a few new ways. Something like what he would see on a thousand different porn sites. Not with a sickening feeling bubbling up his torso and making him feel short of breath in a way he was too familiar with.

“Red. Red, James, stop.” He quickly moved his hands from where they were buried into the sheets to James’ shoulders instead, giving him a bit of a push to add to the ‘get off me right now’ vibes he needed James to get.

Of course James got it, not even giving a second to question why or what had happened. He was off of Dave in record time, and within minutes of the safe word leaving his lips James had him back in his boxers and wrapped in a throw.

 

Dave would have liked to say that James had never seen him break down. It would have been like a trophy to place above the fireplace next to John’s graduation photos and old piano recital pictures. If he could have said that James had never seen him cry it would have felt like winning a lottery, but in that moment it felt like Bro yelling at him all over again.

No crying. Crying makes you weak.

He tried his very best not to, but things didn’t work out as planned. In the end James had to hold him for a good half an hour, almost forty-five minutes. Never had Dave been more thankful for James’ lap being so comfortable as when he’d been curled up there, crying against his shoulder about everything. About how much it hurt to not look or sound like how he should, how shitty Bro had always made him feel, and how he wanted to just forget it all. Make it go away somehow.

 

Nothing was fixed, but he’d been calmed down enough for James to get him cleaned up driven back to his dorm. Promises of being reachable anytime on his cell and that they WOULD talk more. Another day.

Like always, James waited in the car until the door was closed and Dave was inside before pulling away. Dave didn’t wait for any pleasantries from John, nor did he really even check to see if he was home before making his way to the bathroom to at least clean himself up some.

“Dave! Dude, where have you been?” The voice came from behind him, more rushed than necessary as a hand grabbed his sleeve. “God, I thought you’d died! Why weren’t you answering your phone?”

“I was busy, man. I need a shower, a’ight?” Dave said, playing it cool as he turned to John. Yet another prayer of thanks to the gods for sunglasses.

“Ooookay.” John stretched the word out skeptically, but continued anyway. “I just wanted to tell you, since I know you haven’t seen him in a while. Your brother came by like… two hours ago. I told him I had no clue where you were, since I had no clue where you were.”

Dave froze. Or at least, he internally froze. Bro had zero reason to be coming by his dorm, or even knowing where his dorm WAS, yet he highly doubted John would lie about that, considering what the guy knew about things with Bro.

“Seriously, where were you? You’ve been going out so much lately, it’s weird. Got a new… boyfriend? Girlfriend? Whatever it is you date?” John went on, letting go of the sleeve and plopping his butt down onto the edge of one of their beds.

“No. No, that’s not important. What did he want?” As much as he tried to make it steady and calm as possible, Dave was sure there was some kind of fault in his voice. Some flaw that would give him away.

“Uhh. Dunno. I don’t think he said… Why?” Eyes so very like the ones that had been on him not even an hour before now looked him up and over differently. With concern, but not nearly enough.

A shrug and Dave started for the bathroom again. “No reason. Just, y’know, curious. Not everyday he comes around.”

From inside the bathroom Dave heard the muffled ‘alright’ from John and then the unmistakable xbox start up sound. The shower was started up, and the room was quick to get steamy, but the blonde that was supposed to be in it never stepped foot into the water. He situated himself on the floor with his back to the door and his phone clutched in his hand, the familiar ringtone in his ears.

Three rings and then James voice. Did he ever read the call display? Probably not. “James Egbert speaking.”

It was ridiculous. He’d just made James spend an hour taking care of him and not even twenty minutes later he was about to make him do it all over again. But he didn’t know what else to do. He just hoped his voice wasn’t as shaky as he thought it sounded.

“Bro came to my dorm.”


	6. Chapter 6

Of all the things that Dave had witnessed people not understand, Bro had always been at the top of the list. No one understood him in more ways than just one.

He didn’t work like someone should. There was no routine to speak of in how he ate, slept, LIVED. He worked on his own time for his company that Dave would rather die than inherit, the stupidest invention known to man. How people could get off to a morph between a dick and an ass with some muppet shit thrown in between- Dave would never know. But Bro managed to make a fortune off of it, working into odd hours of the night so often that the sound of a sewing machine thrumming up a storm had become a lullaby at some point.

Which would have been fine. To every man their own, no one had any right to judge how a guy spent his free time nor how he made his living. The big problem was just that. Bro made his living. His own.

Dave’s clothes were treasures that so rarely got replacements. Toys throughout childhood were like diamonds in the rough that was ‘arts and crafts’ with a pack of crayons and a stack of printer paper, and the same barbies he’d had since the age of three. It took more than a fair amount of imagination to get by with a thriving mind, and the majority of the time living room forts or make-shift paper mache projects were met with less than friendly responses.

Meanwhile food was another thing entirely. Or more correctly stated- it was hardly a thing at all at times. There were long streaks were it would all be okay. A fridge stocked every week with the essentials and cupboards filled to the brim with junk food. The odd random surprise around the kitchen that Dave never really expected, usually in the form of actual fruit or vegetables. Those days were the good days but there was always the thin sheen of fear laying underneath the relief. The feeling of always walking on toes over a sheet of ice far too thin for the weight of a growing boy. Albeit a below average weight boy.

The weeks where he had to fight were the worst. They’d started around the age of nine. Waking up and finding breakfast to be replaced by chilled steel in the faux brightness of an otherwise empty fridge wasn’t something a kid should come to expect, but by ten and half he knew the sight well. Those were the days he knew to watch himself. Look for notes, never let his guard down for too long or forget to look over his shoulder. It always ended the same, and for years the outcome was an extensive knowledge of first aid and over thirty stitches. All counted, all scarred. Dave could still hardly land a hit by the time he was out of the apartment.

No one seemed to get that. The words that held no edge to someone else were a knife that cut through Dave’s sternum all the way down to plunge into his stomach with a sickening twist. The boy in the bed across from him couldn’t understand that the man who had stood in front of him on the doorstep wasn’t as charming as the slight upturn of his lips led everyone he met to believe. No clever jokes could convince Dave that he was a funny, out-going guy with ‘a creative outlook on the porn industry’. James could whisper all the affirmations he wanted into a phone receiver, but none of them would ever really sink in to make it really okay that his brother had been just outside. That his brother knew where he was.

The knowledge hung over Dave for the next few days like a death sentence, his own guillotine all up and ready to chop at a moments notice. Routine went as normal, but it felt wrong. The morning the came after had to be when it started. The double checking to make sure the door was locked in the mornings, the glances over his shoulder on the way to campus to get to class, the ever present skin crawling feeling on the back of his neck when he tried to relax even a little out in the open. Sleep didn’t come easy, and it only got worse each night.

Dave knew it was noticeable. It was really just a waiting game of who would confront him about it first. His lively blonde counterpart working for her Bachelors in “Therapeutic Recreation” had already been nice enough to shoot him a good few messages about it.

TT: While I understand we’ve decided by an unspoken pact to remain without communication for the duration of our secondary education, I’ve been made aware you’re suffering on some level.  
TT: John won’t give me the details so I decided it would be better to find them out myself firsthand.  
TT: I know it’s entirely surprising, but if you do want to message me back I can promise to not go into over analyzing whatever is troubling you to the point of John talking to me about it.  
TT: Or analyzing at all if that sweetens the pot for you.  
TG: it doesnt  
TT: Yet you responded.  
TG: would you look at that  
TG: i did  
TG: consider it a national  
TG: no a global emergency  
TG: somebody call the league of nations theres about to be a disaster  
TT: I would ask what kind of disaster but I have a sneaking suspicion you would answer with a shit storm.  
TG: you know me so well  
TT: I do.  
TG: how would you suggest i deal with a shit storm miss black magic therapist  
TG: other than turning my head into stone  
TG: santana can suck my ass if they think ill let a lesbian turn my head to stone  
TT: You haven’t exactly told me enough for a question like that.  
TT: I’ll need more to go off of.  
TG: its fine ill deal with it  
TT: Are you sure?  
TG: im sure

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \-- 

It’s not that Dave didn’t appreciate that Rose took the time and the thought to worry about him. In fact it got him feeling all kinds of warm and fuzzy that he didn’t want to ever delve into, but he knew that going to her was a bad idea. If he told her the entirety of the tale it would absolutely get out to John one way or another, which would lead to a mess he didn’t even know how to begin to clean up. John was already suspicious of where he was suddenly spending all his downtime. If he had to guess, Dave would give it maybe a few weeks more before real answers were demanded.

 

Maybe less, considering how a few busy days with James a week had turned into everyday. It wasn’t planned per se. One day full of quiet cuddling after everything and it had become expected for James to come pick him up no matter what. There was no way he would ever truly admit it to himself again, but it was the exact same feeling as he’d gotten each and every time before. Each playdate with John after big fights with Bro. Sleepovers after getting new slices across his skin that bit and stung. If he was at James’ house, Bro couldn’t find him. Only him and James knew where he was when he was laid across the older man’s lap or leaned against his side.

 

For five days straight Dave had gotten away with having his safe house back without question. Five glorious days of being able to escape paranoia and underlying fear before he came home to what felt like a criminal investigation.

 

Dave’s bag had hardly hit the floor before the questions were thrown at him. Aggressively at that. More feisty than he had ever imagined John could be.

 

“Ok, I’ve been letting it slide because I know shits been bad for you and all. With Bro or whatever, but this is ridiculous! Where the heck do you GO? Why do you never tell me? You didn’t even come back last night, Dave! You could have called and at least warned me!”

 

There was no answer that Dave could give for any of it. As if trying to buy himself some time, he stared down at his shoes as he took them off as slowly as he could possibly manage.

 

James and him had talked about it briefly, but no decision had been made. There was discussion about how to tell him, if they were going to tell them, what would happen based on how he would react, but in the end they’d never come up with a set game plan for how to get it out to John. So Dave was left backed into a corner without much of an idea to grasp at.

 

“Alright, chill. I was at your house.” Dave said with his tone as even as if he was giving the time of the day. He would have to give himself props later, since he felt like he was going to explode underneath his calm exterior.

 

“My house?” John’s tone only got more questioning. It seemed impossible, but he managed it. “What were you doing at my house?”

 

“Your dad.” Not technically true, since nothing of any kind of sexual nature had happened the night before. Or for a while. Dave had to think back to even remember if they had done anything sexual at all since he’d called the safe word.

 

Meanwhile, John didn’t look at all amused, obviously thinking it was a joke. “Ha, ha. Super funny. I’m serious, don’t bullshit me like this, Dave!”

 

It had to be the worst way anyone could go about telling a guy that they were fucking their dad, but Dave didn’t know what else to do. Being direct was taken as a joke and sitting John down for a heart to heart about it felt like the shittiest thing he could possibly do. Ever.

 

“Your dad’s dick is six and a half inches when it’s hard, he’s circumcised, his favorite is when I flick my tongue over his tip. He only buys the boring sensitive condoms. You know the ones, that come in the baby blue boxes and look vanilla as fuck? Those ones.” His tone sounded almost bored as he mouthed off the facts to John, not noticing the look on his face. “He’s a real gentleman, too. Always holds out until I finish first. Fucking a plus there, honestly. We-”

 

“What the FUCK?”

 

The change in volume had Dave looking up to meet a very red faced John. He hardly had the time to contemplate whether it was because he had just told him way too much information about his own dad, or whether it was anger. If he had to guess he would have said both anyways.

 

“You’re actually- You’re fucking my dad?!” If there was a word for flustered, enraged, and dumbfounded all in one it definitely would have been used here to described the brunette as he seemingly tried to get his bearings on what Dave had told him.

 

Dave practically had his foot shoved in his mouth the second he opened it. “I prefer the term ‘making love to your dad’.”

 

“Don’t you dare! Shut up! You are not fucking my dad!”

 

“No, you’re right. One hundred percent of the time he’s fucking me. I don’t think he bottoms.”

 

“Dave!! Fuck off, you’re taking this shit too far!”

 

“Dude, you’re seriously not getting this?”

 

“This is just beating a dead horse now!”

 

“It’s not a joke, you fuck!”

 

“It better be!”

 

“Dude!” Dave’s voice finally raised above anything other than casual, blonde brows pinning together in frustration. “I’m fucking your dad! Deal with it!”

 

John on the other hand, was full out bristling. “NO! You’re not! Stop being such a douche!”

 

“YES, I am! I rode your dad’s dick and I would do it again. I’m gonna do it again, I would bet my fucking life on it!”

 

“Why the fuck-”

 

“I’m in love with him!”


	7. Chapter 7

“You’re… in love with him?”

The awed silence that came after Dave’s outburst was life threatening. The kind of quiet that fills up the room, replacing all the oxygen with it’s presence. Clutching at throats and closing off airways so easily it was scary. Or maybe it was only like that with Dave, since John seemed to get his quiet, awestruck words out just fine. Dave found himself wishing he could do the same.

But all he could do was nod. Everything that he had wanted to say just seconds before fell from his mind and left it empty.

He was in love with James. That much was clear. When it had started out it was only supposed to be casual repayment for the cash that James was forking out for him, but somewhere along the lines it was obvious now that casual hadn’t stayed casual. Words from James that were supposed to be only for the purpose of fulfilling a kink had turned into so much more. Possessive pet names and harmless whispers sank deep into Dave and didn’t leave even after all the bedroom fun was over. Hell, he didn’t even care entirely about the sexual stuff. Just being around James was enough.

There was a good minute or so of stunned quiet as Dave mauled it all over and really took it in what he had even just said and what it meant. John meanwhile seemed to be frozen in place. Whatever was going down in John’s head, Dave really didn’t want any part of it.

“No. Not possible. You can’t be in love with him.” Was that a laugh? It definitely sounded like a laugh from John’s mouth as he finally began to move. He shook his head as he turned to start cleaning up his bed, which looked to be covered in books and papers.

“What?” Dave asked, his turn to be a bit dumbfounded coming around.

John didn’t even turn back to look at him as he spoke. “You can’t be in love with him. He’s old enough to be your dad, dude. That’s fucked up.”

As much as Dave tried to remain expressionless, the words had his nose scrunching up in distaste. He knew John wasn’t keen on the idea of it, but trying to straight up tell him that he COULDN’T be with James? Dave wasn’t one to let shit like that fly.

“You know what else is fucked up? Johnny Depp dating a twenty-something year old when he’s like sixty, but no one ever gives a fuck about that, do they? No. So how about you fuck off and not try and tell me what is and isn’t fucked up and whether I’m allowed to be in love with him or not. Because I am.”

It wasn’t yelled, nor was it as angry as things had been before, but there was a harsh kind of tone to his voice that Dave hadn’t known he would ever even be able to use with John. Not that he thought he would ever have to. Seemed things had changed on that front, though.

It was clear to see how John set down his books on the floor by his bed in a less than gentle manner, and even less gently laid down with an aggressive “whatever” in Dave’s direction.

If John wanted to be like that, two could play at that game. The next morning, Dave was out early. Book bag over his shoulder, headphones in and door double locked. Dave was the best at the silent treatment, considering how much time he’d spent perfecting silent glares and deadly cold shoulder techniques during his childhood. They might not have worked on who he had meant them for, but John had made it clear that he was asking for it with the shit he said.

 

Even if Dave didn’t want to admit it, the words really were enough to bug him all throughout the next day. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so utterly inattentive while sitting through a lecture. Everything said went up and around his head, never sitting with him for more than a few seconds before his annoyance at the fight caught up with him again. By the time he was sat at his usual stool behind the counter of the cafe with his books laid out in front of him, he was staring at a blank notebook. Not a single note taken in three hours, just pen scribbles and nonsensical doodles to the side of the page.

Work ended up the same. Three orders messed up and counting. By the time the bell over top the door jingled in warning of a new customer entering for the twentieth time or so, Dave’s hopes weren’t very high.

“Dave, lovely, I have great news.” The familiar voice chimed almost as cheerfully as the bell itself had.

Yet it didn’t have even close to the right effect on Dave as it should have. When he looked up to see the man in his usual business attire, there was no sparks in his heart or smile on his face like there should have been. He would have to tell James about the fiasco with John, he knew he would, but it felt like telling him some kind of death sentence instead of what it really was. It was telling a man that his own son didn’t approve of a love James might not even know Dave had for him.

He felt like no matter how he started, he was fucked, and the worst of it had to be that James picked up on it.

“Dear? What’s wrong?” The man’s face changed from sunny to filled with worry in a matter of seconds. It would have been pretty impressive had Dave been focused on it enough to see the quick change.

Dave had no clue how to start. ‘Your son thinks we’re both fucked up motherfuckers’ didn’t seem like a great place. So the moody teen act worked perfectly to cover up his own feelings on the matter. “I’ve been made aware by a certain offspring of yours that I’m no longer _allowed_ to be in love with you.”

That had James’ expression deepening in more ways than one. Slowly coming to sit at his usual place in front of the counter, he reached over and closed Dave’s books without a word, taking a good look at the blonde boy before speaking.

“First things first, it’s good to know I’m not the only one feeling like our deal had come to a point where I could no longer call it purely platonic.” He offered up the smallest of smiles with his words. “I love you too.”

“Oh thank god.” Dave huffed out a deep breath. “I kind of yelled it at him so if you hadn’t felt it back I would have looked like such a fucking idiot.”

The laugh that was awarded to him for that was enough to ease some tension. The feeling of dread weighing down his shoulders slipped off so that he actually felt like he could breathe some. No more feeling like his air was being taken in through the thickest filter known to man.

“In regards to John, I’m sorry you had to be the one to deal with telling him about all this. I had a terrible suspicion that he’d have a bit of a tantrum about it. Knowing him, it will take some time for him to even talk to me about it.” James shook his head in a way that was strikingly similar to how Dave would imagine a parent shaking their head at a misbehaving toddler. “Either that, or he’ll be breathing down my neck about it as soon as he gets the chance.”

“So… you’re kind of sounding like this isn’t a big deal. Should I be acting like it is?” Dave asked plainly. He did want things to be okay with John, but at the same time, the way James spoke about it made it seem like it wasn’t his trouble to worry about.

“Oh, no. I don’t think you should. I’ll talk to him.” James answered promptly, giving another of his smiles.

And just like that, Dave felt pretty stupid for even worrying about it in the first place. Leaning up on top of his books he let his own lips curve up some for James, replacing the scowl he’d had all day with a warmer expression for the man in front of him. “Good. I might be with you but I swear, if you expect me to act at all fatherly towards that brat, you’ve got another thing coming, pops.”

Yet another laugh left James and the laugh lines that were just barely starting to become noticeable on his face made Dave’s smile brighten even more. “Not at all, love!” He let the laugh die off into a chuckle before reaching a hand to take gentle hold of Dave’s jaw. “That’s my job.”

“Alright, good shit.” He leaned into the hold some, even if it wasn’t as professional as he should have been acting. It was a slow day so far, and he thought he deserved at least some physical affection for the night he had had to put up with. “Do you got anything planned for today after my shift?”

“A celebration.”

That wasn’t at all what he’d been thinking the answer would be. “A celebration?”

James merely nodded and for a brief second Dave was sure that would be all he got, no explanation.

But that was before the man leaned in to peck his lips.

 

When they had started this the two months beforehand, Dave could clearly remember the rules they had set up. Ones about physical and emotional limits and how they were to be respected. How James job and Dave’s schooling were more important and if Dave’s grades slipped, their affairs could be put on hold. But what came to the front of his mind in that moment was the rule he’d never thought James would be the first to break. No PDA. Both had agreed on it for the sake of thing staying within locked doors.

 

Apparently that had changed sometime without Dave’s knowledge. He wasn’t against it by any means, since it wasn’t like James was trying to suck his face off in the middle of the establishment by any means, but it was a sort of pleasant surprise with how James kept his lips kiss even when he parted by a few centimeters. Fuck the no PDA rule.

“You’re forgetting that good news I said I had, sweetheart.” Dave could feel James smile up against his lips with the way James’ lips brushed against his own with the words. “You’ll be happy to hear it, I’m sure.”

“Well then, don’t be a tease.”

“I did some research, pulled some strings. The waiting list had been about a year or so, but I made a few calls. You’ve got an appointment with a therapist in a few months that’s certified and able to prescribe you those hormones you wanted.”

Dave almost pulled away just to see if James was joking or not. He hardly noticed how James had started to laugh, nor how his expression had frozen in agape surprise.

“You- seriously?”

“Seriously. It’s booked for you already.”

He hardly let James finish the words before his hands were grasping at either side of his face. It wasn’t hard to pull himself up over the counter more, and within ten seconds their nice little peck had become the face sucking kiss Dave had been glad it wasn’t before. Now he was just glad his eyes were closed so he didn’t have to see the looks they were getting from the few people sitting, trying to enjoy their coffees.

Fuck the no PDA rule indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this chapter was a bit slow, its a tiny bit of a filler chapter. there'll be better and bigger things ahead, i swear.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yet another warning on this chapter. there is VIOLENCE and MATURE SUBJECT MATTERS about abuse and what not. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

The following months were a roller coaster ride that Dave quickly learned to buckle up for as best as he could.

Things with John simmered down. Sort of. For a good week there was no communication between them, even when they were in the dorm together it had been silent between them. The tensions ran too high. Dave had never acknowledged the dirty looks he had gotten each time he came home later than when his shifts at worked ended. They both knew where he had been, but it was never spoken about. Whether things finally changed because James got through to John while talking to him, or if John just realized he was being the biggest prick of the century, Dave was glad once small talk finally broke out one morning before class. From there on things slowly went back to mostly normal. The topic of James and himself was never brought up again, but that was fine. Dave wasn’t exactly keen on discussing it with John anyways.

School went by quick. Courses got harder, tests came up, any and all extra time was spent studying. Not that there was much extra time. It would have been fine were he only plagued by the usual work shifts, but things were a bit more complicated than that. Unlike last year around the end of the semester, he had more on his plate. Work, school and now appointments every week.

He couldn’t complain, but the time each week spent at the therapy sessions did cut into his study time. It got to the point where he’d bring his books with him for the car ride with James there and back. It was a bit frustrating to think he had to go through so much just to get a lousy prescription, but in the end it was worth it. Three months into it and he was finally introduced to the injections. James usually waited outside in the waiting room, but bless his soul, the man had actually asked to come in so he could ‘educate himself on the matter’. It was intimidating at first but luckily they administered it first time. Second time he was allowed to prepare it, but chose to let them do the actual injecting part. Third week and he psyched himself up for it with James in the waiting room so he was ready.

The effects were slower than he had initially expected. Of course, he was warned of it, but still. There was nothing instant about it. All the changes were over time to the point where he hardly noticed when they started to show. Since he was already through puberty already, twenty-one and counting, his height didn’t change at all. Still standing at five foot six in flat runners. The first thing was of course his menstrual cycle all but disappeared three months in. That was a fun time. Phantom cramps as his body tried but alas- not enough estrogen, too much testosterone. His jawline sharpened up pretty damn nicely. The better to kiss at, in James words.

As much as there wasn’t time for it, things with James got… aggressive. The usual soft love makings took a vacation and affairs so much more rigorous took their place. The hormones running through Dave had to get out somehow once they started to take their toll on his mood. Instead of letting him lash out at John or the poor customers at his work, James took the hits. Metaphorically and literally. The man was built well enough for it. Broad shoulders perfect for raking nails down like claws, buff-ish arms strong enough to hold Dave down as they damn near wrestled on his bed. Dave’s cute little whimpers and whines soon enough transformed into deeper, raspy moans as his voice broke and deepened. It wasn’t always the prettiest of things, but neither of them ever complained afterwards- sweaty and panting but pretty goddamn satisfied.

All in all, things were going right as rain by the time December came around and Christmas was right around the corner.

 

“Guess who passed all his courses this semester!”

That afternoon the sound of the front door swinging open was louder than Dave had meant, but oh well. The chastising about it that Dave came to expect never came, so he knew he was off the hook for it for the time being. He made sure to close and lock the door behind him as to not push his luck. The fact that no response came to his outburst wasn’t at all concerning. If he had to guess, Dave would say Egbert was holed up in the kitchen with Christmas dinner party plans.

Dave didn’t check to see, though. Just waltzed in as usual and set his book bag and apron down on the couch in the front room. “So pops, I was thinking since I don’t have work tomorrow we should do something. That is, if you don’t have work or anything planned. I saw some ad somewhere that there’s ice skating at the mall near your work. Maybe after your work we could do that.” He suggested as he flopped down onto the couch, slouching into it and scanning the room to find the remote for the flat screen.

“That’s nice, dear. Just one moment-” James voice came from the kitchen, just like Dave had thought. Though it was different. There was an air of distraction to it that had Dave glancing to the kitchen doorway. He didn’t bother to respond. Just listened.

At first he thought maybe it was the radio. Quiet, mumbled sounding voices from the kitchen usually meant James had satellite radio playing while he did chores or cooking or baking.

Only problem was that the sounds that accompanied it weren’t there. No ambience of water and dishes hitting against each other, no smell of baked goods to fill the house, and no soft simmer of a sauce pan or boiling water. Just quiet voices.

“James…? Someone over?” Sitting up some, he tried to peek into the kitchen from where he sat. Curiosity overwhelmed him. Who would even be over? James hadn’t mentioned anyone coming over.

“Uhm, yes.” James called out, and continued in a quieter, harsher tone. Not meant for him. Words meant for whoever was in the kitchen with him. “No, no. I don’t think that’s a good idea. You shouldn’t even be here…”

As stupid as it was, a twinge of jealously ran through Dave. James wasn’t the kind of guy to cheat, Dave knew that. But hearing that, it was hard to think of anything else. Why else would the man be being so… secretive about whoever he was talking to? What if he’d just finished fucking someone else? Oh god, what if they were in the kitchen discussing what to do with him now that he was home? The thought of it had Dave’s heart rate raising as he sat, still and waiting.

If only it had been that. Half a minute or so into his obsessive worrying, James stepped out of the kitchen. Gorgeous as ever with his hair styled as he did it for work. Silvery hair on each side of his face styled back, blue eyes behind his glasses looking at Dave. With something in them that Dave couldn’t place. Worry? No, more like caution. It had Dave looking at him with a questioning expression.

Before the other person followed him out.

 

Dave’s eyes got stuck on him. Hair just a shade darker than his own blonde, only gelled to all hell. Stuck back in those stupid spikes under his hat. His angular shades somehow managed to reflect the bit of sunlight that was filtering in through the windows and lighting the room. That damn collar still popped up at his neck. Even with his own shades on Dave could make out the light freckles that covered his skin.

“Hey, kiddo.” Bro’s voice came, deep as ever with it’s thick Texan accent. Carefree. No, careless.

All at once it overwhelmed Dave. That voice that he’d heard so many times with that friendly tone. The white flag voice used after every unfair beat down masked as a strife, or argument caused by him yelling about some stupid shit. Even just the way he was standing so shamelessly casual in James’ living room. It was wrong. Bro wasn’t supposed to be there. It was…

“Dave, love,” James started to say something. The contrast between the two men’s voice physically hurt him.

They shouldn’t have been in the same room. Talking. Discussing. What were they talking about? Why hadn’t James kicked Bro out immediately? Why had James let Bro into the one space that he was safe from him? It burned at his stomach and chest, and for a moment he didn’t know what to do. He kind of wanted to cry, but the more he stared at his brother the more that changed.

No, he wasn’t going to cry in front of him. Not this time.

There wasn’t much thought behind it. It was almost a kind of blissful moment of black out. Dave felt himself stand, saw both Bro and James pause as he did. He watched the change in their expressions as he stepped onto the edge of the coffee table. Then it all turned into a blur as soon as he threw himself off of it and across the room. His hands hit home exactly where he’d hoped; right around Bro’s neck. There was nothing gentle about the way his shaking fingers pressed into flesh. Some sound left Bro, and something happened beside him, but Dave wasn’t focused enough to know.

His full attention was on the feeling of Bro’s pulse under his hands as he fumbled to push him back against the wall. The shelf Bro stumbled back into crashed against the wall and some kind of knick-knack or china fell to the floor with a deafening shatter.

“Dave!” James voice rang out through the room right after.

Either Bro wasn’t trying, or Dave was a lot stronger than he thought. The later didn’t seem possible, and the first option only had Dave even angrier.

“Fight back, you asshole!” He hardly recognized his own voice. It came out as a vicious snarl to match how his face was twisting only inches away from Bro’s own.

There was no response from the man under his hands. He was holding him too tight for anything to get past Bro’s throat, he should have known, considering it didn’t even feel like he was breathing. But adrenaline and something he’d never felt before were coursing through him faster than logic could catch up with.

Pulling him forward by his neck, Dave easily shoved Bro’s head back against the wall with a sickening thud.

“FIGHT BACK!”

The scream was less controlled than he’d hoped. His voice cracked, making the agony in it only so much harder to hear in his own ears. His breath was coming hard, his shoulders shaking even harder, and his fingers had just started to ease up by the time he felt himself being forcefully pulled back.

Both of James arms grasped him by his shoulders and tore him away from Bro and for a moment Dave almost let it happen. That is, before his eyes met Bro’s. The man was heaving in breaths, a gloved hand massaging at his throat, and had a smug ass grin on his face. The look tore at Dave, cut into him as if the man had slashed across his skin with a katana just like he used to.

“Fuck OFF! Don’t you dare look at me like that, you smug bastard! You can’t even fucking fight me, you absolute BITCH! How dare you come here! You’re not allowed here! Get the FUCK out!” Dave’s voice roared through the room. The arms around him, holding him under his arms and around his shoulder tightened as he struggled against them.

“Dave, Dave, shh. He-” James voice whispered right up against his ear, but Dave hardly let him finish before he was kicking his legs up into the air, hands coming up to grab at James arms.

“He’s not supposed to BE HERE! Why’d you let him in? Don’t- Don’t listen to a word he said to you! He’s a filthy, dirty, fucking,” He panted between words in his attempts to keep yelling. “Liar!”

Leaning against the wall in front of them Bro watched as if looking at Dave for the first time. It looked like he’d gotten most of his breath back and the fact brought a sour taste of Dave’s mouth. He wanted to do it again. Take the air from his lungs and make sure he couldn’t get it back a second time. But of course as much as he tried James didn’t ease on his hold on him.

The moment Dave saw Bro’s lips part he knew he wasn’t going to like it. “I just came to talk.” His voice was harsh, but in a raspy, just throttled kind of way.

“Talk to my fucking ass, Bro! I don’t ever wanna hear you ever again! I shoulda shoved my thumbs to your throat and never let up!” He screamed at Bro so loud his own ears started to ring. He wasn’t thinking. There was no thought to the consequences of his words or what they meant.

There was just anger. Pure, raging hot anger that filled him up and made the front of his skull throb with how much he couldn’t get it out enough. His hands clawed violently at James arms, itching to be hurting Bro in any way he possibly could. To repay him for all the times Bro had ever hurt him. He was strong enough now, he could do it. He could finally do something about all the years he’d spent under the older blonde’s torment.

“I should have killed you!” Dave had no clue when he’d started to cry but the tears stung at his eyes as he heaved in breaths into an aching chest. Everything hurt with the weight of trying to do it. James hold was too much and as much as he knew he could probably tip his head back and smash it into James forehead, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “Lemme- Lemme… James…”

“You have to calm down, Dave.” The tone was firm, but there was such worry in it. It made Dave’s heart physically hurt to hear but he couldn’t stop himself.

He squirmed and thrashed in James hold to the point where he hardly noticed that James was saying something. Not to him, no. It was called out to Bro, followed by the sound of the front door.

“NO! No, don’t let him- Fuck! James!” Dave sobbed out with a painful hitch to his breath. “Why’d you fucking let him in here?! He could have- You can’t TALK to him!”

“You aren’t talking about this now. Not like this.” It was clear James meant to get control under the situation with his no-shit-taking tone, but Dave wasn’t having it.

Without even thinking, Dave hit his fists up against James arms where he was held. “Yes, we are!! You let him in, you let him in here! He could have- He was-”

“Calm down. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“HE’S going to hurt me!”

“No, he’s not.” Even as Dave screamed at him, James voice never raised over a dull roar. It kept to an inside volume, if a bit breathless from having to hold Dave.

“He always does! It’s what he DOES! He fucking gets off to it I swear! He went to my dorm to do it, he came here to!” The fear in Dave’s voice only got more and more obvious the longer he argued about it.

 

When no response came from James behind him, he let out an anguished cry. James didn’t understand, he couldn’t. If he did, he wouldn’t be doing this. Dave couldn’t think of any reason why James would even let Bro inside let alone let him in the same room as him. It rolled through him in waves of anger until he was reduced to shaking and heaving in breaths in James arms in the middle of the room. His head fell forward and he grasped at James arms. Clutched at them hard enough he swore he heard a few stitches in the hem pop.

“Dave,” James finally spoke again, “I’m not going to let him hurt you.”

“You… you let him in here.” Dave panted out with his voice broken and cracking.

“I was almost done talking to him when you got home. He won’t be bothering you, ever again. If he does there will be a restraining order with his name written all over it, baby.” His words became softer and softer, starting to brush his lips against the shell of Dave’s ear. “He’s never going to touch you ever again.”

Squeezing his eyes shut, he could feel tears bubble over and fall from his cheeks. The words should have helped more than they did, but Dave was too far gone.

“He- James-” He stuttered with short breaths.

“Breathe, Dave.”

“Can’t.”

“You can. Deep breaths, I’ll count them out for you.”

Going limp in James hold, he did his best to follow along with each breath that James counted out. It took longer than Dave could tell to be able to steadily follow along, and by the time he could he felt no better than he had when he was freaking out. He was pretty sure he felt even worse, really.

“How’d he know I would be here?” He asked in a quiet voice once he could get his voice to work with him.

The hesitance that followed the question made Dave turn his head to try and look back at the man. His arms were still around Dave, but it wasn’t like before. It wasn’t holding him back, but holding him together since it was obvious he needed it. But his face. Dave couldn’t read what was on it. Something unfamiliar but reluctant.

His voice was quieter than before, careful in a way that Dave didn’t like. As if what he said would throw Dave back into another panic attack.

“He tried to go to your dorm first. John told him.”


	9. Chapter 9

Dave had heard it a couple of times before, first time being on some action movie playing in the living room when he was younger. It sounded fake-y with the loud sound effect that had played over it. Second time he realized the sound effect was pretty damn true to life when it was inflicted on himself by a certain zero percent cautious guardian.

Though somehow the crunching, almost popping sound that came from John’s nose as his fist connected with it sounded so surreal.

“FUCK! Dude, oh my god!” John swore louder than Dave had ever heard him. Louder than the time he dropped his end of the couch on his foot while carrying it into the dorm. Louder than the time he’d gotten his seventh grade report over a skype call. Really fucking loud.

Yet Dave couldn’t feel that much sympathy for the guy as John stumbled back from the doorway and he thundered in.

“You told him where I was?!”

“What?” John, with his hand over his gushing nose, asked in a wet, nasally, disoriented voice.

“Don’t with that! ‘What?’ like you don’t fucking know what you did! Bro came here and you told him I would be at your house, you asshole!” The blonde wasted no time in starting his tirade.

He’d spent way too many hours at the house with James’ after everything had gone down. Half of the time was spent calming down and the other half was spent trying to convince James that he wouldn’t kill John when he got home. James had made at the very least a million promises to deal with it and talk to John as soon as he could, and at the time Dave had agreed. If only to keep the man happy and not so concerned. In reality Dave had known all along that he’d be sucker punching his roommate the second the door opened enough for him to get a good hit.

And now he was staring at a pajama clad John with blood dripping down his chin and onto his shirt, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. It was easy to see his lips moving silently through his fingers uselessly trying to stop the flow of blood from his nose.

It took a few seconds but he finally seemed to find his voice under all the blood. “Well. Yeah? He said he just wanted to talk to you and I-”

It was frustrating to even think about just how clueless someone could be. John _knew_. Through all the times shit had happened it was always his friends he had went to. Rose and Jade and most of all John. John knew more than anyone else about it. He’d been the first to get skype calls at midnight, two in the morning, even as early as four sometimes. It was also the dorky buck toothed kid with the unruly black hair and now that same kid stood in front of him trying to tell him that Bro had just wanted to _talk_.

“No, John! Bro never just wants to talk! There’s no such thing as just talking to Bro!” There was a slight tremor in his voice for not even a second, and yet Dave could see the changes happen in John face because of it. Like a light bulb coming on in John’s head.

Merely two seconds of stark quiet and John changed from defensive to something more or less understanding. “Did he… what happened?”

A sigh left Dave and he debated even answering it. He did though, speaking as he started towards the bathroom to get John a washcloth for his nose. “Battle of the ages. I nearly choked him to death. Your dad had to stop me from committing murder.”

“Oh.” The short response came from behind him, sounding subdued. As if John didn’t really know what to say to that information, but once Dave turned around he was happy to take the damp cloth and press it to his nose.

“Yeah. Oh.” There was still an annoyed tone to Dave’s voice that he just couldn’t let go of. “Now I thought you should have known this but seriously. Next time, use the goddamn peephole like you’re supposed to. If you happen to peep on that absolute douche bag, don’t let him in. Got it?”

“Yeah, I get it.”

“No. I’m serious. Do you got it?”

“I got it, alright? I’m sorry. I just wasn’t thinking. Or thinking with my ass or something. I don’t know.” John rambled almost painfully to hear. “I was mad.”

Another sigh passed through Dave’s lips and he leaned against the bathroom door frame. He had some kind of idea that it was like this. His thoughts had gone to all sorts of reasons why John would tell Bro where he was, but this had been the most reasonable one based on things. James had said things were okay on this front after John and him had their big father and son, disney channel movie worthy heart to heart about Dave and him dating. It had even seemed like things had been alright. After all, John had gone back to mostly normal. The only time he got iffy was when Dave ever brought up things about James, which he learned quickly not to do. But… guess not.

“Alright then let’s just… talk about it. Have a good ole sit down. I’ll apologize for the number I just did on your nose and you can tell me all about how you hate that I’m doing your dad or whatever. We’ll sort this out. I can’t have you doing shit like this. Please.”

Dave hardly ever used manners at all. Only recently had he started doing so for James, but nine out of ten times it was always in bed. Now, using them in front of John like this definitely got his point across that this needed to happen. That Dave couldn’t handle any more from Bro.

“Uh… Yeah. Okay, yeah. Let’s talk about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another slower chapter, and a late chapter at that. my sincerest apologies for that. there's more to come, promise.


	10. Chapter 10

Things had been talked about. Lots and lots of things. Nights had been spent talking through Dave’s and James’ relationship, and John had explained exactly how he felt about it. Which was no surprise to Dave. He didn’t expect John to be for it in the slightest, but it was clear something needed to be worked out. So that’s when the chats grew. Instead of just Dave and John talking casually on their beds in their dorm, talks then included James as well. All three of them sitting down in the Egbert living room with cups of coffee or hot cocoa until an arrangement was made.

  
  
It was surreal, but it happened. John didn’t need his room at the house anymore. Almost everything was moved out but a few things here and there, along with the furniture. It took not even a week to clear it out completely, and about a month or so of transferring Dave’s things over into it. While it was a longer commute to the university and to his job, it was the best option to keep everyone happy. John didn’t have to know about what they did, nor would he have to be reminded almost every time Dave came through the door with messy hair and some noticeable hickeys and marks. Meanwhile James and Dave could have all the privacy they wanted at the house. They could steal kisses, have dinners, wake up to each other. All in all, they could get closer.

  
  
And they did. Oh, they very much did. The winter season was a good one, filled with meals to die for and knew things found out about each other. A few arguments that they hadn’t known would ever come up, but definitely did once they started living together. Mostly a lot about clashing ideas. James thought extra therapy, more than just what he was getting from the transitioning, would be good. Dave disagreed entirely. In the end, of course, the idea came to a stand still and nothing was done. But it wasn’t anything big, at the time.

  
Once the next semester came around things ran smoothly. Both of them would wake up and get ready at the same time, earlier than Dave would have at the dorms. James would drive Dave to the university on the way to work. Dave would walk to work after classes, and then James would pick him up there for whatever plans they had. Perfect schedule really.

 

  
  
That morning’s classes in particular had been uneventful. Mostly just things that had already been read in the textbooks but the professor wanted to elaborate on. The same old bullshit repeated from what Dave had in his notes. Maybe it was just him, but classes seemed to be getting easier. Maybe he was just getting better at them or smarter or something. Perhaps all the money spent on the classes in the first place was finally paying off. Hopefully.  
  
It was just after noon that Dave was on his walk from campus to the same old cafe as ever. The same route- roads forever stuffed with traffic of people trying to get back to their jobs in time so their bosses wouldn’t yell and fire them. Sidewalks packed with people in business casual, or carrying backpacks and book bags just like the blonde himself was. Nothing different than any other day.  
  
You would think that as he walked by it, Dave would have recognized the vibrant orange of the truck parked along the streets at one of the park-n-pay meters. Having grown up with it, it would have been logical to him. But then again, that wasn’t really on Dave’s mind. No, he was busy thinking of what James might be cooking up for dinner. Whether they’d have his heavenly bread sticks with it or not. Maybe he would crack out the nice wines left over from Christmas to share. Well, that, and he was wondering why the fuck that lady had just so rudely rushed past and bumped into him. Bullshit fucking blue collar workers always-  
  
That was when it hit him. Literally.  
  
Something hit him square in the chest so hard he thought his lungs had been knocked around enough to come loose from whatever held them right inside his rib cage.  
  
“What the fuck are you-?!”  
  
It didn’t take Dave long to get a grasp on what happened. He’d been clothes-lined, an arm right across his chest as he’d been trying to walk. Not just hit by some douche bag, but stopped by one douche bag in particular. The spotting of triangular shades and a broad chest had Dave nearly paralyzed. Before he could even really process it all, another arm was coming to wrap around him and grab him from the side, starting to drag him in towards that ugly ass truck that Dave was just now noticing.  
  
“Hey! Hey, no! NO! Hel-” The screams for help that were just about working their way out of Dave were cut off so quickly that it was clear Bro was expecting them. A gloved hand over his mouth muffled the sound and for a brief moment, panic set in cold and deadly.  
  
Bro was far too strong for him when he had the advantage. It wasn’t like last time. Dave hadn’t been the first to strike. There was no time to think of any attack plan or strategy. No way to get his hands on Bro like he had them on him the time before. God, he regretted ever letting go now that the leather was cutting into and rubbing against his skin so roughly.  
  
“Don’tcha ever shut up, kid? Jesus.” The voice was too amused. It almost sounded like Bro was laughing through the words in his warm, deceiving chuckle. It only had Dave’s breath picking up even more as he desperately tried to get in enough air through his nose. “We’re gonna go for a drive, and I’m gonna give you some real nice options. No Egbert to save your ass this time.”  
  
Even the idea of that made Dave’s heart race so quickly he thought it would kill him before Bro could even manage to get him into the car. Because, obviously, there was no way he was going to get in without some kind of fight. Before Bro was even done speaking to him the blonde had started to kick his feet up, screaming into the hand over his mouth to try and make enough noise for someone to notice them on the edge of the street. He reached out both arms, struggling to try and hit or scratch or grab onto someone on the sidewalk to get anyone’s attention.  
  
Behind him he could hear the door to the truck opening. He could feel the sting of tears that were starting to blur and cloud his vision so badly he had no idea what he was grabbing at anymore. A brush or something soft, his foot kicking against the parking meter and suddenly another voice came through.  
  
“What- what are you doing?” It was confused, a little high pitched, as if the person didn’t know what the hell they were looking at but was sure it wasn’t good.  
  
“Nothin’, nothin’. It’s just my lil’ brother. He gets wound up and y’know. Behavioral issues.” Dave had never heard such bullshit in his life, and yet the cheery, apologetic voice Bro used made it almost sound convincing.  
  
But it only made him struggle even harder, trying to bite down on the hand over his mouth, but all he got was mouthfuls of leather that protected Bro’s hands from his sharp canines and dull front teeth. But, seeing as he’d managed to get the passer by he needed, both his arms came up to grab at Bro’s and start to tear it away. Thank god he didn’t have the same muscle mass he had merely months ago.  
  
“NO! NO! I’m not! I’m not! Help, he’s trying to-”  
  
He just barely got the words out before the hand was smacked back down against his mouth and he let out a muffled cry of pain, the tears falling down his cheeks.  
  
The stranger had stumbled back, into the busy sidewalk and all Dave could do was desperately stare at the woman, which he could now see. Some redhead in heels and a pencil skirt, surrounded by people now looking their way while Bro growled low, whispered threats into his ear and dragged him back forcefully. Looking down, trying to breath right, Dave could see where his bag had fallen to the pavement, books just barely falling out. He saw people’s feet as they stopped walking to stare. Heard the commotion that was starting up as he was finally pushed into the passenger seat of the truck, door shoved closed and locked automatically.  
  
Then there were flashes. Being free to scream and fight all he wanted while Bro was walking around to the driver’s side, Dave didn’t hesitate to start kicking at the door. First at the handle, which didn’t work. Then directly for the window. His converse just barely made a thud against it, and through the window he could see people taking out phones, someone making a call, a few others taking photos. Another good kick and he heard the door creak, the window almost starting to give under his foot.  
  
It was taking far longer than Dave would have expected for his brother to get around the front of the truck, but he didn’t check to see why that was. Too busy reeling back with his third kick to the window. Upon impact he heard the crack. A sound like heaven itself to his ears as cracks irrupted around his foot, spreading out. Another good hit against it and his foot got through along with a plethora of tiny glass shards, some of which stuck to the edges and absolutely cut through his jeans into his shins.  
  
From there it was quick. Someone’s arms reached in for him to grab onto and within minutes he was sat on the pavement breathing in harsh breaths. Everything around him blurred out. Somewhere to his left he could hear Bro’s enraged yelling, all around him sirens started to blare out with red and blue flashing lights to match. What sounded like a faint voice beside him was urging him to answer a question. Something about someone to call. Glancing towards the voice, a police officer had replaced the stranger that was there before, and had a hold of both his arms where there were more than a few cuts bleeding.  
  
“James. Egbert, call Egbert.” He hardly managed to stutter out before a paramedic was at his side and getting him up off the pavement. From there on out it was all blacked out.

  
  
  
The hospital was weird. Dave didn’t really have any sort of memories associated with the place. Waking up there was perhaps the most disorienting experience of his life. It was all harsh bright white light and electronic beeps and hums. A dull pain was resonating from both the top of his hand as well as his shins, and when he opened his eyes he hated the feeling. Crusty was a good word to describe it.  
  
He was in one of those disgusting looking blue gowns he’d always seen on television shows and movies, and unlike on those shows and movies, the room he was in wasn’t a room. House M.D. hadn’t prepared him for the cloth curtain with weird pastel green patterns. Even though he was hazy, Dave could make out the two pairs of feet just on the other side from below the curtain, one a pair of white sneakers and the other shiny black oxfords, as well as the sound of the voices.  
  
Low, quiet. One unfamiliar but the other so comforting even just hearing the mumbled sound of it had Dave relaxing back against the stiff pillow behind him.  
  
He had just enough time to look over the I.V. stuck in his hand and the bandages of his arms before James walked in and whoever was out there with him walked off. Maybe a doctor or nurse, based on the terrible footwear.  
  
“You’re awake.”  
  
Dave could cry, the older man’s voice so soft he could only envision it as clouds way up above this shitty building.  
  
“I am.” His voice sounded weird to himself and he started to wonder if he’d been drugged. “What…?”  
  
When James sat down on the edge of the hospital bed it creaked and Dave’s legs shifted a bit. Yet, even though he remembered them being cut, he didn’t really feel any pain from it. “You hyperventilated, dear. I’ve been told you tried to hold a police officer captive on the side of the street. They had to sedate you to calm you down from a panic attack.”  
  
“Oh.” Dave might have remembered some things but that wasn’t one of them. He remembered a police officer, but nothing else. No defining features or what had been said, nor done. The last thing he could recall was sitting on the sidewalk and listening to Bro… to him yell about something.  
  
Looking up at James, he was almost scared to ask. “What happened with Bro?”  
  
“He’s been arrested.” James’ expression changed just a tad, but his voice stayed the same as he took gentle hold of Dave’s hand. “For assault of both you and an officer. I’ve been told a security officer from one of the high rises came to calm him down and landed himself a black eye. But your brother has been detained and… I should have done it so long ago, the first time anything happened, but I got the restraining order all filled while you’ve been sleeping.”  
  
It took a moment for him to really understand, but when he did Dave almost couldn’t believe that. Bro was arrested. Of course what he did justified it. Even before he tried to pretty much kidnap Dave, all of it before that. The abuse, the neglect, the harassment and stalking. All of it deserved the justice but it was so much to wrap his head around that it was finally actually happening. After all the years.  
  
“He’s going to jail?” Dave asked, blinking uncovered eyes up at James. He couldn’t remember if he’d lost his shades somewhere during the tussle, or if they’d been taken off, but they were definitely gone now, leaving James to see all the disbelief on Dave’s face.  
  
The response was a nod so calm and understand Dave almost thought he was seeing things in slow motion. “He’s going to go to jail. There’s going to be a court date, but I’ve been assured there’s hardly any chance of him getting off. Too many witnesses and eye accounts. He won’t be able to stand up against it.”  
  
Dave gave a nod of his own and for a moment he didn’t know what to do. Everything was amplified by the news. The low droning sound of his heart rate monitor, the way James had started to stroke his thumb over the top of his knuckles. Everything was too much and all Dave could think about was how if Bro was in jail, there wouldn’t be anything to worry about anymore.  
  
“Holy shit.”  
  
The words were choked out before Dave could stop them. Whether it was the remains of the drugs in his system or just the overload of information, he couldn’t hold back the tears that started to bubble over and streak down his cheeks. Before he could even bring his hands up to get rid of them James had shifted to hold him and cradle the back of his head.  
  
“Shhh, darling. You’re alright now.” His voice came like an echo into Dave’s ears. Not exactly loud, but covering up everything else, any other ambience. The next words were ones he’d heard so often he could play them back in the exact tone any time. He could pick it out from any number of other voices. There was no difference in how James said them, yet it was like hearing them for the first time. Believing them for the first time. “You’re safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there it is folks!! the end of the fanfic. thank you so much to everyone whose read, commented and/or left kudos!! i hope you all liked it all throughout and i hope you all like the ending especially! it's been wild but im really glad i finally finished it up! 
> 
> without a doubt there'll be more stories and AUs to come


End file.
